Emma: New Things

I'm not going to lie: I'm starting university, and I am terrified. As everyone tells me, especially poor Gabe, I am going to be absolutely fine. Due to the interesting academic system in Quebec, I have been at college doing university prep for 2 years, after having graduated from a prep high school. I have an A+ average, I'm a teacher's pet, and I love what I'm going into (History and English Literature 🙌.)  I know all this, and yet, I can't shake the pit in my stomach that is telling me only one thing: I'm going to fail. 
I know I won't literally fail my classes, that would call for some colossal ecological disaster (which is not unlikely due to climate change...). But in my poor, Westernized academic brain, my average falling to an A or even, God forbid, a B+ in my first semester of uni is enough to punch me in the gut with panic attacks. 

Here is the part where I'm supposed to say "It'll all be fine, this is normal, everyone experiences this, there's an adjustment period, change is scary but I'll survive..." And all this is probably true! But maybe there is value in feeling this way. I don't believe that anyone should have to suffer in order to experience happiness, but suffering can teach valuable lessons. It is what you take from your suffering that matters, not the suffering itself. And hopefully, probably, when I'm succeeding in my classes, my current suffering will teach me not to doubt myself. That I can do anything I set my mind to. That I am smart and powerful and worthy, even when my brain is shouting otherwise. 

-dress, thrifted
-denim jacket: Old Navy
-watch: Olivia Burton
-purse: Winners, not available online
-shoes: Keds


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